The Mess IS the Medicine

What if the very thing you’ve been deeply afraid of is exactly what you need?

What if the very thing you’ve been deeply afraid of is exactly what you need?

And what if it’s the medicine you are meant to share with this world?  Could you lean into that fear until you break through the other side into a place of deep wisdom and self love?

I have always felt the need to show up completely prepared and put together.  It was so bad in my twenties, that I once showed up 2 hours late to my own bridal shower because I had analysis paralysis over what to wear.  Seriously.

Over the decades, I had gotten more skilled at repressing it, or hiding it.  Until recently.

As I’ve been growing my healing practice and finding my financial footing as a single mother, it has been bumpy.  And I felt terrified that it meant I was f*cking up, and failing, so who was I to help others, despite all of my clients telling me how transformative our work together was.

So I couldn’t talk about the fact I was on food stamps.  Or that I still lost my cool and shouted at my kids.  Or regularly cried under the pressure of trying to do it all alone - run a business, be a mom, and work through healing my inner demons.

This past New Moon in late January kicked my arse.  I wasn’t sure how to meet my bills for the month.  I had completely forgotten about my kid’s school camping trip that was days away.  And the kids and I were coming apart at the seams in our close quarters.  It was a low moment of feeling I was utterly failing at life.

And as I shared this with my dear friend while we were working to create our New Moon statements, she asked me: “What if you didn’t have to hide or contain the kid’s messiness?  Or yours?  So what if the world saw you in all your humanness?”  And I was at a loss for words, knowing we were hitting a very old deep wound for me.

“What if you going through all of this makes you EXACTLY the right person to be teaching others about this?  This is your initiation, not your failing.”

My whole body shivered with goosebumps and I laughed and I cried at the absurdity of it.  I always thought I was being in full integrity and authenticity, but it was clear, this was my dark corner that I subconsciously, fiercely protected as if I were averting death.  The place where my self-shaming was hiding, smothering my self love.

Which meant, I was about to hit the real pay dirt of true soul growth.

So I threw the bare essentials in a bag, and we went camping.  For the first time I didn’t show up with ALL the gear and totally over planned and prepared which felt very much like one of those dreams when you’re naked speaking in front of a large group of people.

Instead, for the first time in my life, what I had in my heart, was the overwhelming feeling and a deep knowing that everything would be ok despite my mind having no idea how or why.

And I felt light, and present, able to offer help and receive the grace of others who kindly shared of themselves and their supplies while the kids ran around in complete feral bliss at being in nature.

I connected with other parents around the fire I hadn’t met before and not once did I even worry about the state of my bank account or what they thought of me.  I was just genuinely content to be there and experience it all and connect with everyone.

I went to bed that night, feeling really at peace.  I woke in the middle of the night to an owl hooting in the distance, then dreamed of a dozen owls visiting me.  I awoke before sunrise feeling clear and connected to my own inner wisdom.  And I just knew my New Moon intention of what I was calling into my life this month:

“I AM embracing the authenticity and mess of my human life as beautiful, juicy medicine for myself and others.”  It is our birthright to feel at home in our own skin.

And sitting with that for a few days has allowed me more peace within myself and with my kids than I’ve ever had.  As if my whole nervous system is finally allowed to relax, rather than feel like it has to fend off the basic existence and mess of being alive and being human.

All that energy I was using to hold life at bay is now flowing again, into new ways I can engage with my work in a way that feels juicy, fun, authentic, and truly transformative.  And I can’t f*cking wait to share that nectar with the world.

This is the truly kind of transformative work I was born to do - to light the way for others to find the invitations in their life that are calling to them, to initiate them into the medicine of their own love, power, and wisdom.

Let’s normalize: #beinghumanismessy